NORMALIZE WORKING HARD

This conversation is meant to happen after you have told your child what dyslexia is. Not every child who has dyslexia struggles to read. Some do not even realize that they struggle.

The best time for this conversation is after your child has expressed frustration with reading or expressed that they feel they are reading different than their peers.

You know your child best, so please use the below comments as simply suggestions.

STICK WITH THE FACTS WHEN TALKING WITH YOUR CHILD

How do you and your child usually speak to one another? Is it in the car on the way to school? At dinner time? Pick one of these times to have this conversation with your child.

EVERYONE HAS SOMETHING THEY STRUGGLE WITH

Sometimes, kids can get frustrated by the fact that they struggle with reading. Normalizing the concept that everyone has something they have to work on really helps with this.

FIRST, NORMALIZE HAVING CHALLENGES AND WORKING HARD

Once your child expresses frustration, validate that you hear them in a way that doesn't make them feel embarrassed for speaking out or defensive - no one likes to be called out.

The conversation may start in a way such as "I wanted to talk with you because sometimes things in life can be so hard. Whether it's cooking, playing soccer, or reading - sometimes things can be hard."

Note: if the child says "it's not hard for me," that is okay - you can respond with "Oh good. Well I had some thoughts about life that I wanted to share with you."

NEXT, SHARE YOUR OWN CHALLENGES

Then continue, "so...you know how everyone's brain is different and has different skills? Well, sometimes when something is challenging, it makes me think about how some things just seem to be so easy for other people and how other people just seem to be so good them. For example, Mia Hamm - she is an amazing soccer player! Or think of Granny - she is an amazing cook. I have to try so hard to cook things that taste good. My sister is just like her and can cook things so easily. Who is someone who you can think of who seems to do something so easily and is so good at it?"

Wait for child to respond by identifying things that some people are good at. If they can't think of anyone, provide another example of two and then just continue.

Normalizing things happens when people feel connected. Share something that you struggle with and have to work hard to do.

THEN, ASK THE CHILD TO SHARE ONE THING THAT THEY HAVE TO WORK HARD AT

Having them express their feelings rather than repeating to them what they told you will help them not feel attacked. It makes for more of a conversation. If they don't bring up reading, then you can phrase it in a way such as "one thing you mentioned one time was that reading can be hard. Is that still something you feel is true?"

If the child doesn't want to bring it up or contribute to this part of the conversation, just move on & continue the conversation.

NORMALIZE WORKING HARD MAKES THINGS EASIER

"Sometimes it can be so frustrating when trying to do something that is hard. It often makes me think "How did these people get like that? How did these people get so good at their skill of ________." How do you think they get so good at it?"

Wait for the child's responses.

If they respond, validate their answer as best as can.

Continue the conversation... "yes, working hard helps people get good at a skill. Then that skill become easier. That makes me think of when I was first learning to ride my bike as a kid. It was so so hard and I remember being so proud of myself when I went around the neighborhood for the first time without training wheels. Now, riding a bike without training wheels is no problem. Is there a time when you've been proud of yourself for doing something?"

LEARNING TO WORK HARD AS A CHILD IS A GIFT

Continuing the conversation..."When I get frustrated I have to remind myself that doing hard things increases mental stamina. Do you know what mental stamina is? (wait for response). Our mental stamina is how strong our brain is. Our mental stamina gets stronger the harder we work. This means that the harder we work, the stronger & more powerful our brains become. "

HOW TO HELP OUR BRAIN

" I also have to remind myself that while I work hard and build my mental stamina, I also need to help my brain in 2 ways as I work to accomplish things .

We have to tell our brain positive thoughts such as "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can..." until we accomplish the task.

In some cases, we can also help our brain by using tools. For example,

when working to get stronger muscles, we can eat healthy foods or take certain classes that train our muscles.
when reading we can help our brain by using bookmarks or taking certain classes that train our brain.

ASK YOUR CHILD IF THEY HAVE ANY QUESTIONS

Finally, ask your child to share what they think about that information. Ask them how they feel or if they have any questions. Some children may just say “okay” and not have much to say. Make sure at the end you tell them that if they have any questions pop into their head or wonderings, they can always come to you to ask.

Your child may ask for help with something that they are finding difficult - whether it's reading, solving math facts, or learning to tie there shoes! Spend some time working with them to outline a plan of action. A helpful start may be a piece of paper that says "4 things I can do to help my brain learn to ________."

Including these 4 things on the list may help...

1) a tool - a class to take to teach the brain or a resource like a bookmark

2) positive self-talk words - what can we tell our brain to cheer it on when we get frustrated

3) a measurable goal with a timeline. For example, read 3 books this month. Small goals help boost self-esteem, confidence, and motivation. If the child has a big goal, help them break up that big goal into smaller goals. Make sure they are realistic.

4) a tool - one more resource that can help the brain. For example, buying new books on a just right level to read.

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